sometimes i wish i could make a motion to shut people up...

so i just got home from a town council meeting. i'm one of nine people elected to the council. all our meetings (with the exception of certain special meetings and executive sessions) are broadcast live on a public access channel and on the internet. they're also recorded so if you wanted to see one after you could. they might even be archived online.

i have no problem with the camera. as a matter of fact its probably a super good thing that our meetings are taped. then there's visual/audio proof to go along with the written super simple minutes.

what i have a problem with is members of the council that feel they NEED to be on camera and be on there for as LONG as possible. even if they're just repeating themselves and/or what other councilors have already said. i wasn't aware that that in order to be a local official you had to be a camera hog and like to listen to yourself speak. do these people DVR the meetings so they can critique themselves when they get home? do they call up their friends and make them watch to count the minutes they're on tv? is it some sort of contest i wasn't told about?

if anything its got to be irritating for the people watching. i know how irritated i am. half the time i'm making a fake gun with my thumb and finger pointing to my temple. (i wonder if anyone ever notices that...) i know i don't want to be there until 1 am just so i can hear 7 councilors say the same thing just reworded. sometimes its not even reworded! its practically verbatim! it's like if you were standing outside with 8 of your friends and one person looks up and says "wow, look how blue the sky is." and then everyone else makes comments like "the sky is blue, wow" or "ive never seen the sky so blue," and someone might even throw in "it is blue. that's amazing." NO SH*T SHERLOCK. Thanks for repeating what EVERYONE else already said because i truly didn't hear it the first 6 times.

if citizens have time limits during citizens comments then i think councilors should have some sort of limit. time limit per resolution. time limit on camera. number of words limit...

while i'm at it i might as well bring up the ridiculous questions. i know. there's "no stupid question" but when you're given a packet with all the information you need there's no reason to ask some of the questions that are asked. for example: "how much is the total cost of the bid?" Really? did you read your packet? that's a KEY part of the resolution we're voting on. you're kidding right? you just wanted to get it restated for the public right? oh you didn't? you really don't know it? that's too bad because YOU'RE LOOKING RIGHT AT IT! there should be some sort of penalty for stupid questions and going over the time/word limit. make them sit in the corner wearing a dunce cap until the next resolution or next stupid question... whichever comes first (i'm betting the stupid question would come first about 8 times)...

don't get me wrong. i love my "job" on the council and most of the time i do have fun at meetings. but when people insist on beating the same poor dead horse that was beaten the last 8 months in a row i get a little angry. sometimes i wish i could make a motion to shut people up....

"point of order mr chair. i make a motion that "so & so" shut the f up because they're talking ad nauseum about something relevant to a meeting that took place forever and a day ago. he's killing my brain cells. i feel stupider every second he keeps talking... please mr chair. please save my sanity! the horse is as flat as a pancake by now!"

(by the way totally HATE that saying but its just so fitting.)

so my term is almost up. and you'd think after all the b*tching i do about it that i'd be done. i will admit i sat on the fence for a loooooong time on this one. a very long time. there were periods where i dangled my feet on the "let's torture myself for another two years" side and there were periods where i dangled my feet and was ready to jump off the fence onto the "if i have to put up with this for two more years i might stab myself in the eye with a spoon during a meeting" side. well after much deliberation and conversations with various people: friends, parents, town employees, fellow councilmen... i've decided i'll give it another shot. sure if i don't make it i'll be bummed and it'll be a HUGE blow to my ego (seriously, how could someone not vote for me? i'm pretty!) but at least i would have tried. if i make it then "woohoo! they like me! they really like me!"

i could live off cereal...

let's face it. nobody eats right. except for people that can afford to have their own personal chef cook their meals and count their calories and protein intake. but you know those people still slip and have a FEW candy bars when their personal trainers and bodyguards aren't looking.

i like food. even more astonishing: i like to eat food. after all that's what its for. yes. i probably eat too much of the stuff i shouldn't and not enough of the foods i should. nah, who am i kidding? i probably eat TOO much of that too. there's no particular reason why i eat so much other than i LIKE FOOD. is that so wrong? if we weren't meant to eat it then whoever started marketing it as FOOD shouldn't have. seriously. i could live off cereal if that was my only option. but alas its not. there are sooooo many options out there. and so many of them are so good. i'm not even just talking about chocolate. (shocking! i know!) i even love vegetables and fruits and regular ice cream cones without the ice cream (yes, the ones that taste like cardboard).

maybe we shouldn't have so many options. maybe there should only be a few certain foods we can eat. forget the giant grocery stores filled to the max. we should have a few basic simple options that we can buy and if you want something else you better hope you can grow it and make it yourself. i bet we'd all feel better. we'd all be healthier. we'd all be a few sizes smaller. and we'd be less likely to indulge because you know options wouldn't consist of potato chips and ice cream (however wonderful that'd be!)

so that's my idea. let's reduce the options and live happily ever after. in the meantime i'll try to keep in mind that my body isn't a refrigerator and all the food on my plate (or in the package!) doesn't need to go in there... and i'll try to hop on the treadmill more than once every 6 months!

because i don't have enough to do already...

i talk a lot. not like social chit chat talking. the kind of talking where you shouldn't talk if you aren't going to walk. yeah, i'm one of those. i'm not proud of it. but honestly i'm so in the moment that once the moment passes i forget about the moment and what i said i was going to do. people that REALLY know me know this. people that just talk to me probably think i'm a phony. do i care about them? not really. the people that really matter know that i mean no harm. and usually i end up doing those things i said even if its a year later. (over 2 years ago i said i was going to buy a truck... over the winter i bought a truck. see, i can walk the walk. just not right away.)

so anyways... what's my point this time...

my point is: i did it. what did i do? something i've been saying i was going to do for quite a while now. something that i kept changing my mind about. where should i go? do i want traditional or online? what should i go for? should i make a career change? how will i pay for it?

ladies and gentlemen, i'm going back to school.

i started out with the intentions of getting my MBA. and then i realized i hate business. so that won't be fun. then i decided on a career change. among my list of possible careers: nurse, dental hygienist, dentist, human service worker... well i decided a career change is waaaaaay beyond my ambition level. so i'm sticking with business. i'm getting my master of science in psychology. business psychology. not doctor-helping-crazy-people psychology.

i hate to admit it but i'm a little excited to start. i'm supposed to start at the end of the month. i know, quick. but i'm totally willing to admit that i'm scared as sh*t. super accelerated online only classes. i've been out of school for what feels like forever. so naturally it makes sense to jump right into one of the most intense masters programs out there. let's face it. psychology isn't easy. if it were we'd have a lot more psychologists in the world and they probably wouldn't get paid a few hundred dollars an hour.

it also makes sense to add class and homework to my huge to-do list because i don't have enough to do already. 45 hours of work a week, horses, council, board of rec, a life... oh man. i didn't really value sleep that much anyways.

so i'm stoked now but you know after my first assignment i'll lose ALLLL motivation and be ready to quit. naturally i can't quit because that would be not cool. if i can get this far (meaning filling out the paperwork, getting accepted, and getting financial aid in place) then there's no reason why i can't finish. people do it all the time.

well we'll see how it works out. i'm sure it'll stress me out. i'm sure i'll b*tch for the next 18 months. i'm sure i'm just wasting time and money. but i'm sure that when i'm done and i have that next degree in my hand i'll put down my pencil forever and that'll be the end of my education... seriously, who wants to write a dissertation just so they can attach Doctor to their name?

me.

that's who.

"it's okay, i'll find a surrogate..."

its supposed to be one of the most amazing experiences of your entire life. it's the miracle of life. a labor of love. before you jump to conclusions NO I'M NOT PREGNANT. then why am i writing about pregnancy? apparently there is something in the water where i work because there are AT LEAST 6 expecting mothers. everywhere i turn i run into an unborn baby bump or in some cases an unborn baby BULGE (sorry girls!).

ive learned a lot over the past few months about pregnancy do's, don't's, and what to expects. and because of them i've come to a conclusion: i DON'T want to get pregnant. i want a baby. actually two. but after what i've heard and seen i'm not sure i can do it.

this is a bad thing to say. but i'm going to say it anyways. NOTHING AT ALL appeals to me about pregnancy and child birth. okay. i know. its not supposed to be appealing (except to those strange guys with the pregnant woman fetish). but i'm pretty sure its not supposed to be HORRIFYING! i'm not talking about cover-your-eyes-during-the-scary-part-of-the-movie-but-really-you're-watching-the-movie-through-your-fingers horrifying. i'm talking about fetal-position-in-the-corner-of-the-room-screaming-for-god-to-just-take-you-now horrifying. the kind where you'd rather die. let's go through this bit by bit...

gaining weight: okay there's some women (i know TWO!) that get that adorable little baby bump. they only gain weight where the baby is. nowhere else. it's cute. then they have the baby and they're back to normal. they're lucky. that won't be me. i know it. i won't be a cute expecting mom. i'll be fat. i can't even get rid of ten measly pounds that snuck up on me. do you really think i'll be able to lose that extra baby weight i'll gain?

tiredness: folks i'm already half dead half the time. i need naps. i can't handle being anymore tired. i'm already drained of energy. a baby will take what little is left!

food: i already have weird cravings. i've been eating pickles and ice cream since i was like 5. i can handle cravings. but you know i'll use a baby as an excuse to eat for two. that translates to fat.

my back: i already have back problems. add a baby and i'm doomed. i'll be on bedrest at like 4 months! i'm really not sure if my back can handle it. and i'm not joking

peeing every 2 minutes: i already go every 5 minutes. i'll end up just moving in to the bathroom permanently!

people touching me: people like to touch pregnant women's stomachs. i'll bitch slap the first person that does. it'll escalate into a full blown fist fight for the second one... enough said.

diet/exercise/pregnancy rules: no caffeine, no cold/allergy/crazy meds, no lifting, no this, no that... i can't remember all of it never mind follow all of that!

potential health problems: what if my baby ends up being sick? premature? a month late? what if its breached? stuck in the hospital for months? an alien? ugly? red-headed?

naturally delivering an 11lb baby: i'm pretty sure i don't have to explain this one.

c-section: my friend (who coincidentally is going to end up having one) saw the video. i think her husband almost passed out.

so let's say i put all this behind me and i go through with it with baby number 1. i can't have just one baby. but what if the actual experience was sooooooo terrifying that i can't do it again? i'd die!

maybe in a few million years evolution will someone transfer the "miracle of life" to men and let them deal with everything. let's hope by the time we're ready for children i'll be able to handle the whole thing... let's all hope! because surrogates are expensive!

i cant be a fat fiance jen! i just cant!!!!

please answer me this: why is it soooo much easier to gain a ton of weight than it is to lose one measly pound???? now granted one pound really wouldn't make me feel any better (that's a lie! i'd jump for joy and dance around like an idiot!) because really i'm aiming to cut out ten. ten measly pounds. that's all. and really the weight itself doesn't bother me. its the pudge. the flab. the extra giggling that reminds me of jello. lots of jello. (i could go for some jello...) i guess it can't be like jello. because everyone likes jello. nobody likes pudge. (except on babies. then its cute!) i digress...

so why am i crying about pudge and poundage and flab? (that's an ugly word: flab) well because me and kimmers are planning our weddings. (a little prematurely. yes. but it's a very important day. so why can't we put in extra time. it's not like the guys haven't agreed to dates.) conveniently our dates are only a month a part (give or take a day). well naturally we both want to look our BESTEST for not only our own weddings but for the each others weddings as well. that gives us over a year. that's plenty of time to look AWESOME. but wait. what's the problem you ask? a year is sooooooooo far away. why should we start now? we have plenty of time. these are the things that go on in our heads. when in reality we know how quickly the time will pass. too fast. and before we know it we'll be fat pigs at our weddings (OMG! the thought scares me!).

so this week we've taken our first step towards looking HOT not only as brides/MOHs. but also as fiances! (neither of us are technically engaged... but we won't hesitate to say that we're "PRE-ENGAGED")

step #1: food journal - we've decided to tell each other what we eat when we eat it and the other keeps track of it. why can't we keep track of our own food? because we won't want to admit that we eat that much! at least if we do it throughout the day we don't realize how much we're actually eating. at the end of the week we'll report back to each other and see where we need to make improvements. (sadly enough it's not the food we eat but its our portion sizes! damn americans and the HUGE portions!)

step #2: exercising - ugh. such an UGLY word. such an ugly action. there is nothing pleasant about exercise. except for that feeling of accomplishment after you've had a great workout. it gets even better when you've worked out consistently for like 3 days. don't forget the endorphins. and the energy. and how you no longer want to chow down on that WHOLE bag of chips. ugh. that makes it even worse when i list all that crap. so along with the food journal we need to start exercising. we'd do it together but we live to far away (tear). so instead we're going to report back to each other when we work out. (she's already made me feel like shit because when she was at the gym busting her @ss i was watching tv eating a WHOLE PINT of SORBET.) she's one up on me. but if feels more like ten up. BUT the good news. her working out makes me want to work out because its kind of a competition. her working out motivates me to work out. have i done it yet? no. but i ,didn't take a nap after work today. that HAS to count for something. right?

step #3: ????? - kimmers, do we have a step 3? or is that where we achieve total HOTNESS and look fantastic at our ENGAGEMENT PARTIES and at the beach and everywhere else we go???

so. that's the plan. total hotness. we're going to be the HOTTEST fiances our guys ever had. and then we'll be the MOST BEAUTIFUL BRIDES in just over a year.

how can you not love a man that brings you chocolate cupcakes...

it's amazing how things change. sometimes things change instantaneously. sometimes it takes years. nonetheless things change. times change. the first time i went out with ray i didn't think we clicked. i didn't think we'd go out again. we went out the next weekend. or did i go to his house? i don't know. things get fuzzy. either way i was apparently wrong. we hung out a lot after that. there were many nights spent at his cousin's house with a whole bunch of people. yes, very intimidating for me. just chillin' on the deck. or watching a movie in the living room. as time went by i realized something pretty freaky. i realized that he was the guy i wasn't going to marry someday. i don't remember when i came to this realization. i just know that i came to it. pretty early on. and then i filed it away as quickly as it popped up in my head...

and of course we broke up. about 8 times. maybe more. maybe less. who's really counting anyways? in the "beginning" we broke up because he didn't want a relationship. (sad thing is we had a relationship and he just didn't want to admit it.) this happened a few times. i'm pretty persistent.

at some point in time he realized he did love me. weird. like i didn't already know this before he said it out loud! everything was great for like a week. then it went back to the way it always was before. we broke up again. weird. what's weirder? we got back together...

so the story goes on and on. we broke up. got back together. we broke up. got back together. we got engaged. we broke up...

well after all that work. all those years. all that time that went by. all the doubts. all the hope. all the tears. all the laughter. all the good times. all the bad times. all the smiles. all the fights. here we are. where are we exactly? we're finally on the right track. the same page. crazy how that works out.

we never doubted our love. or at least i didn't. we just doubted the "love is all you need." "love will conquer all." "all is fair in love and war." (timeout: i never doubted that one!) you get the point...

it just took us a little time to be on the same page at the same time. not everyone reads at the same pace! the stars finally aligned i guess. would i go through it all again? hells yeah. it was all worth it. every minute of torture he put me through. and all the bull sh*t i put him through. i wouldn't change it for the world. it's made us better people. better together. we both experienced what the other went through with the other. for different reasons. and in different ways. but all along the same line. we have more respect for each other. and a deeper connection.

once again i look forward to every second i spend with him. i'm happy just being in the same room. he makes me happy. we have fun. we're working together. appreciating each other. and i now KNOW that we'll live happily ever after...

i almost burned that bridge...

the following is an actual email exchange that took place last week... if you could only hear the tone of my voice in my head while i was writing my part. you'd laugh. and probably say "wow! what a b*tch!"

Subject: Working 3/27/09
Hi, seeing as you were planning to be here for the meeting, I'd like for you to come in an make tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for the sisters, father and 1 guest. Your mom is still sick and I wanted her to get rest for tomorrow. We will have to push the staff meeting to Friday - April 3rd because I wanted to hold it when everyone is here and no one is missing.

See you at 5:00...

Subject: RE: Working 3/27/09
Yes, I was planning on being there for the meeting however I only planned on being there for an hour. I have to be somewhere before 6:30 which I had already pushed back to accommodate the meeting.. Also I'm not appropriately dressed to be cooking and washing dishes because of my original plans. I cannot drop everything to fill in for mom.


Subject: RE: Working 3/27/09
See you at 5:00. I will need you to do soup and grilled cheese and then you can leave Sister and I will clean up.

Subject: RE: Working 3/27/09
if you're cleaning up why can't you make grilled cheese and soup?

Subject: RE: Working 3/27/09
The Sister hired me to do other things...they do not like me in the kitchen...your way out of line and you r comments are totally inappropriate. See you at 5:00

Subject: RE: Working 3/27/09
I'm sorry but TELLING me I HAVE to work is way out of line. I will come make the grilled cheese and soup tonight for the sisters because I care about them but you can consider this my official resignation effective after I leave the building. This job is more stressful than my full time job at xxxx and being a town councilor combined.

thanks.

Subject: RE: Working 3/27/09
Being scheduled for a 5-6 meeting and working in the kitchen from 5-6, is being here for what is needed, regardless if that need is a meeting or support in the kitchen. Sister xxxxx has been doing the kitchen work in place of your mom and is really too tired to do another night. If this an inconvenience for you then please do what you feel is best for yourself. Please leave me with the keys to the building and don't forget to sign the time sheet. I have your pay check you may have it once I have the keys.

i know. it's not the most professional email ever but come on. bull sh*t like this has been going on for a long time. and yes, i should've quit 6 months ago when my other boss told me to! nonetheless the email is kind of entertaining. and yes. all those typos and spelling mistakes are legit. all i did was copy and paste. (teehee!)

and just in case you're worried and think i was a HUGE b*tch (which i was and will admit) we did talk after. face to face. and all is okay now. we both apologized. have moved on. and are still on good terms. phew! that was a close one...